If you know me, you would either think I'm the happiest person alive or the most miserable person alive. Truth is; I'm both. Some days are hard for me, like really, really hard. Simple things like getting out of bed or getting out of the house come as a challenge to me. I'm not ashamed to say I've struggled with anxiety and depression for years. Little things have always been such a huge challenge for me and I find myself sometimes too careless to do them. I'm not saying depression means I'm sad all the time - because it doesn't. But sometimes it makes simple tasks hard for me and sometimes I'm so unfeeling the it's hard to have motivation. I feel everything and nothing all at once is how it seems. Of course I am happy quite often but some days I'm just not. I want to be sad and lazy but I put in an effort to get out there and be positive. So to all those people in the same boat, I understand how you feel and I understand that nothing is wrong with you. You're just having a rough time and things will get better.
Lately, I've been really trying to be positive and happy and I've composed a list to get me on track. I feel like good changes are coming into my life and I'm trying to surround myself with good friends. The list below is specifically meant for me and things that I know will make me happier as a person but who's to say someone won't take some of these things and relate to them.
1. Eat Healthier: I honestly eat like crap and I think that makes me feel like crap. I eat way too many sweets and I drink way too much caffeine. I of course can't cut out sweets from my diet or unhealthy stuff, but I think I can start choosing the healthier option more often. Lately, I've been snacking on granola bars and mixed nuts instead of chips and chocolate. I've also been trying to drink water more often even though I'm not the biggest fan. I of course like anyone, give into my cravings way too often, but I think that slowly changing habits has already made me a lot happier and a lot more energetic.
2. Start a New Hobby: I feel as though sometimes I don't really have a good hobby. Whenever I have downtime I sit on my phone or I'm engrossed in The Profit or Shark Tank. It's not healthy to be so in love with technology and television that it consumes you. Lately, I've been reading much more and opting to pick up a book rather than playing on my phone. I also want to pick up a few more hobbies like possibly getting into Barre or maybe even learning how to edit videos.
3. Work Out More Often: I hate working out and I have little to no motivation to do it. I occasionally run a mile or two but I feel as that's not enough. I've been thinking about going to a gym and getting a personal trainer or starting a Barre class (a mix of pilates and yoga on a ballet barre). I think working out would 100% make me feel better about myself and just in general.
4. Work Harder at Your Job: I just got a new job, and my work ethic has always been 50/50 depending on how I feel about the job. I want to start creating a better work ethic and working harder and picking up habits that will help me later in life. I want to go the extra mile and I really think that will help give me a sense of fulfillment and help me feel better about myself. I don't want to just skate by in life and work the bare minimum anymore. I want to be a hard and dedicated worker and be someone that is reliable.
5. Try New Things: I'm the type of person who has a black and white personality, I either love something or hate something. No in-between. I want to break out of my comfort shell and try more new things and try to expand my horizon. I don't care whether its with food, clothes, or travel. I just want to try new things and be a little more brave when it comes to things that scare me.
6. Say No: I don't usually stick up for myself often and I usually have a hard time saying no to certain things even when I know they aren't good. I feel as though I need to start saying no or leaving when a situation starts to get negative or if it doesn't benefit my happiness in anyway. I've been working on it more often and the few times I've actually done it, I've left feeling a lot better about myself. I feel like everyone needs to take a little lesson on this and say no to anything that doesn't excite your spirit or make you happy in some way. Life really is too short to do anything that doesn't interest you.
7. Treat Yourself: I feel like I take this way to seriously and every time I want something I picture Tom Haverford saying "Treat yo Self". I feel like this is a good motto to live by to a certain extent. It also brings me into something else I want to learn to do better, I want to start being able to save money. I 100% treat myself to often and I need to tone it down a little and start saving for rainier days.
8. More Girls Nights: I feel like I need more nights with my friends. It's of course fun to go out but sometimes you just want to hang out with one of your best girlfriends and eat a shit ton of tacos and just gossip about shit. I always feel happier when catching up with a friend or doing something with them and I think I need more of that in my life. I have amazing friends and I'm just so lucky to have them and I need to take the time to appreciate them more.
9. Dance More Often: I LOVE DANCING. Like I actually love dancing around even if I look stupid. However, I'm not saying it as to seriously start dancing, I'm using it as a metaphor to live a littler and loosen up which is something I need to do. Sometimes I feel like I can get uptight and I can freak out when things change in a way that I'm not comfortable with. I'm working on being better about that and going with the flow.
10. Have a Closer Relationship to God: I feel like lately I've been falling away from my relationship with God. I'm not saying it was strong, but it was there. Lately I only find myself praying when something is wrong and I need help. I want to start praying when I'm happy too and praying just because I'm thankful for everything he's given me. I will never be the super religious church type again but I would like to still have a strong bond with Him that makes me happy. I want to start reflecting more and I think trying to learn a bible verse a day and trying to pray before I go to sleep or wake up would be a good step in the right direction to getting to where I want to be.
These things may not make you happy, per say, but they make me happy and they'll help me to be the best person I can be. If you're having trouble with your anxiety and/or depression or something similar, just know there are people who understand and seek help if need be. I know seeking help can be taken as asian of weakness, but only strong people put aside their pride to ask for help.
Until next time!